Workin' at the ....

Car wash....

1987 again. . .  After listening to Mom go on and on about how far she had to travel to get a decent car wash and what a goldmine it would be to have one local, Dad and three other gentleman from Mobil Oil decided what the area needed was a car wash. Men are so smart.

They built a beautiful car wash under the guidelines of the founding fathers of Hopewell, Larry, Moe and Curly. It was gorgeous. I was an employee. Let me explain....

The concept was upsell the basic car wash to the deluxe on the front end - this was a soft sell (I didn't know this term then, I hate sales terms) on the back end, towel off and make tips. Do you have any IDEA what went on in between? Buckle up. . .

Front end, "Hey how are you? Nice car." Upsell
Back end, "Hey how are you? Nice car." Tips and perhaps some melanoma.

In the tunnel...I have memories of shoveling out the tunnel, greasing machinery, doing whatever was needed. So glamorous.

I'm not sure how fast you would go if you drove through a car wash, but I watched several folks try to gauge it, jump the rollers and never grasp the concept of N or neutral as we in the business like to call it.

You cannot smoke through a car wash, correction, you shouldn't smoke through a car wash, it gets too smoky and you won't make it.

If a car wash employee is signaling to you for something like 'PUT IT IN NEUTRAL YOU RUBE!' You shouldn't put your window down.

If you have a rear wiper, it should be taped down, if not, the brushes will grab this particular item yank it along with the back of your vehicle and shake vigorously until something let's go - I'm telling you right now it's the wiper that gives first.

Should you be coasting along in neutral (god bless you) and suddenly there is a rhythmic pounding noise, realize immediately the person in front of you lost a rear wiper and you are being ceremoniously beaten by it. Upon exiting fill out an insurance claim and tip the towel girls handsomely for today is your lucky day!

Ready? A car came in on a Saturday morning and had the rear wiper ripped off it a blaze of glory - EXCELLENT. Dad handled the customer, graciously as always. Later that day a Cadillac came through. I should point out that at this time a subcontractor was in the car wash servicing the giant fluffy spinny things with a ladder. A ladder!! At some point the ladder and the spinning felty thingy came in contact and the felt thing said, "I love you ladder, let's hug!!" They hugged and then the felty thing slammed the ladder against the Cadillac repeatedly for effect I'm sure. YEAH!!

The Cadillac driver pulled around and announced to my father, "I'm going to a wedding today and this is the second car this car wash has damaged!!"

With enough oxygen Dad recovered.

Whoaaaa whoaaa whoaa whoa.

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