Marvin vs. The Prius
This is going to live in infamy at the top of my all time best stories list. Ready?...
Thursday morning I arrived at work and greeted 'Debbie'. (that's not really her name, but I've changed the names to protect the innocent and that is what the cellphone weasel guy once called Ann and we call her that to this day. Yes I know I said her real name.) Deb and I do this every morning, "How was your evening? Did you eat a lot? Did you work out?" Debbie is about 5' tall and in terrific shape for a woman close to 50 (she'll love me for that). Her and I could wipe out a Chinese Buffet but instead we just talk aloud about doing it and whine.
I was surprised when her answer about her evening was, "It was bad, I had an accident on the way home." I gasped, "Oh my God, are you okay?" Knowing she was standing there talking to me and I didn't remember seeing her car missing, damaged, or a rental car I wasn't all that alarmed. She said she was fine and then started saying, "I was at the bottom of Bradford Road waiting to turn onto Route 1 and this man was walking...." I didn't let her finish, I interrupted, "Holy shit! You hit a pedestrian???!!!" She confirmed that she had but he was okay. She then told me she cried all night about it. Me: "But he was okay right? I'm mean you were just starting out and I'm sorry, but you're driving a Prius, you would think you would have just bounced off of him?" At that point I started laughing and so did she. (I use humor, food and wine to cope - sue me).
While we are talking Patsy shows up (real name Tina - so much for privacy huh?) and asks Debbie if she's alright. I am still laughing. Tina says, "I was behind her, I saw the traffic stop and then I saw the pedestrian and thought, 'great now we have to wait for this F#$^ing guy to cross.'Then I saw the pedestrian start walking and Ann start driving and then I thought, where did the pedestrian go?" Oh how I howled!!! Ann explained at this point that she hit him near the hip and he bent over and rolled across the hood and landed on the pavement. Me: "But you were in a F&%$ing PRIUS!!! Oh right, that thing doesn't make any noise before 20mph, hmmm."
Now Tina explained that had SHE been the pedestrian she would have motioned for Ann to start then followed behind her - being kind. I interjected, " But Ann chose to drive THROUGH the pedestrian. Let's call him Marvin!" More laughter and a bit of laughter induced crying.
Ann continues to explain that traffic had been stopped and someone motioned, to Marvin, but Ann thought it was to her. I get that, Rte 1. is INSANE. Then she explains how the police, ambulance and assorted on-lookers showed up. WOW, I missed this by minutes. I say, "MAN! Had I been behind you, I would have sprinted into the Clippermart, grabbed some Smart Food Popcorn and settled in!!"
Apparently Marvin felt some tingling, like the excitement when you're about ready to land a pants load of money in an injury lawsuit and think "I'll call The Man From Uncle dude!" So the EMTs were giving him a thorough review and the best line of all was an EMT who looked at Marvin and said, "You know one of your eyes is pointing in a different direction???" Oh shit!!! I just about died!!! Like Ann's Prius knocked one eye onto third base!!! This was priceless. Marvin acknowledged and said, "Yes I have a lazy eye." WTF??? I cannot believe this conversation went on?? Then said EMT, we should call him Columbo said, "Are those the pedestrians glasses?" Pointing to a pair of glasses hung up in the wiper section of the Prius. I asked Ann if she thought of saying, "No they are my glasses, I like to keep them on the outside of the car."
Alls well that ends well, Marvin scampered off slightly banged up - he called Ann today to announce he really screwed up his wrist. Whatever Marvin, suck it up and move on. Ann was reluctant to share this story with anyone and I was bouncing on the balls of my feet beggin to tell anyone I could. She let me.
I did send out an Employee of The Week notice today for Ann mowing down a pedestrian and putting in a full day the next day. The best response - Rich, "the real question is, did the pedestrian go to work the next day or follow suit of the lazy eye." and Rich I know I misquoted you, feel free to correct me. HiLARious!!!
And to think I was just babbling about Maine Driving - awesome!
ps. Tina yelled at two pedestrians this morning who were walking on the wrong side of the road and wouldn't move, I believe her words were, "IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SIDEWALK?!"
Thursday morning I arrived at work and greeted 'Debbie'. (that's not really her name, but I've changed the names to protect the innocent and that is what the cellphone weasel guy once called Ann and we call her that to this day. Yes I know I said her real name.) Deb and I do this every morning, "How was your evening? Did you eat a lot? Did you work out?" Debbie is about 5' tall and in terrific shape for a woman close to 50 (she'll love me for that). Her and I could wipe out a Chinese Buffet but instead we just talk aloud about doing it and whine.
I was surprised when her answer about her evening was, "It was bad, I had an accident on the way home." I gasped, "Oh my God, are you okay?" Knowing she was standing there talking to me and I didn't remember seeing her car missing, damaged, or a rental car I wasn't all that alarmed. She said she was fine and then started saying, "I was at the bottom of Bradford Road waiting to turn onto Route 1 and this man was walking...." I didn't let her finish, I interrupted, "Holy shit! You hit a pedestrian???!!!" She confirmed that she had but he was okay. She then told me she cried all night about it. Me: "But he was okay right? I'm mean you were just starting out and I'm sorry, but you're driving a Prius, you would think you would have just bounced off of him?" At that point I started laughing and so did she. (I use humor, food and wine to cope - sue me).
While we are talking Patsy shows up (real name Tina - so much for privacy huh?) and asks Debbie if she's alright. I am still laughing. Tina says, "I was behind her, I saw the traffic stop and then I saw the pedestrian and thought, 'great now we have to wait for this F#$^ing guy to cross.'Then I saw the pedestrian start walking and Ann start driving and then I thought, where did the pedestrian go?" Oh how I howled!!! Ann explained at this point that she hit him near the hip and he bent over and rolled across the hood and landed on the pavement. Me: "But you were in a F&%$ing PRIUS!!! Oh right, that thing doesn't make any noise before 20mph, hmmm."
Now Tina explained that had SHE been the pedestrian she would have motioned for Ann to start then followed behind her - being kind. I interjected, " But Ann chose to drive THROUGH the pedestrian. Let's call him Marvin!" More laughter and a bit of laughter induced crying.
Ann continues to explain that traffic had been stopped and someone motioned, to Marvin, but Ann thought it was to her. I get that, Rte 1. is INSANE. Then she explains how the police, ambulance and assorted on-lookers showed up. WOW, I missed this by minutes. I say, "MAN! Had I been behind you, I would have sprinted into the Clippermart, grabbed some Smart Food Popcorn and settled in!!"
Apparently Marvin felt some tingling, like the excitement when you're about ready to land a pants load of money in an injury lawsuit and think "I'll call The Man From Uncle dude!" So the EMTs were giving him a thorough review and the best line of all was an EMT who looked at Marvin and said, "You know one of your eyes is pointing in a different direction???" Oh shit!!! I just about died!!! Like Ann's Prius knocked one eye onto third base!!! This was priceless. Marvin acknowledged and said, "Yes I have a lazy eye." WTF??? I cannot believe this conversation went on?? Then said EMT, we should call him Columbo said, "Are those the pedestrians glasses?" Pointing to a pair of glasses hung up in the wiper section of the Prius. I asked Ann if she thought of saying, "No they are my glasses, I like to keep them on the outside of the car."
Alls well that ends well, Marvin scampered off slightly banged up - he called Ann today to announce he really screwed up his wrist. Whatever Marvin, suck it up and move on. Ann was reluctant to share this story with anyone and I was bouncing on the balls of my feet beggin to tell anyone I could. She let me.
I did send out an Employee of The Week notice today for Ann mowing down a pedestrian and putting in a full day the next day. The best response - Rich, "the real question is, did the pedestrian go to work the next day or follow suit of the lazy eye." and Rich I know I misquoted you, feel free to correct me. HiLARious!!!
And to think I was just babbling about Maine Driving - awesome!
ps. Tina yelled at two pedestrians this morning who were walking on the wrong side of the road and wouldn't move, I believe her words were, "IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SIDEWALK?!"
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