My Last Will and Testicle
If you're tired of the ovary-ectomy talk read no further, if you are entranced, then enjoy....!
Today I headed to Miles Hospital for my pre surgery lab work. Here's the cool part about living in Maine, one of the cool parts, it IS like Cabot Cove. I walk in the Hospital and recognize the woman at the ER desk as a customer. I nod to the elderly volunteer, "GOOD MORNING!!!" I scream to him because I know damn well he can't hear a bloody word I'm saying.
The lab was hopping, so I gave my name, info, made the rudimentary comment, "August already, geez!" and sat in a chair in the hall. Much to my surprise Heir Bergermeister Meisterberger needed lab work done as well. I shit you not, they wheeled him in with his right leg perpendicular to the ground and held up by NOTHING! He was facing away from me kabitzing with the nurse when I heard her say, "Let's turn you around." And there he was staring right at me. My eyes go to a train wreck like a tongue to a mouth sore. He looked at me and said, "Now this is a nice view." Oh hot damn, look away, away, away. "You okay?" That's what I came up with, I'm an idiot. They finally called my name and as luck would have it, the gal drawing my blood was going in for her procedure Wednesday too! I told her, "See ya there!"
Now we come to the somber part of this blog. . . . what I bequeath....
Ashlee, you may have my shoes - they won't fit Lauren and you've been stealing them for YEARS.
Lauren, you may have my tops and any other clothes that work.
Jewelry will be awarded after a game of Jeopardy that include the following topics:
Mom, she always put us first
Mom, we miss her now that she's gone
Mom, she was the funniest person we knew
Mom, loved her wine
Mom, God she was moody
and for double jeopardy... Mom, now what hell do we do about dinner? !
Jesse, you can have The Donald's Harley, I know this seems like the wrong forum, but he'll starve to death exactly seven days after I pass, so - knuckles, it's yours. ps. You and Ashlee are cute together, keepin' it real from the grave!
Dad, there's beer left in the downstairs fridge, enjoy.
The Donald, your garage is immaculate, enjoy. The master bedroom and master bath are also prestine.
Gordon, all of my face cream, hair gel, Blistex, Ralph Lauren Notorious Perfume' and my trashy romance novels. (and pantyliners)
Gabby, my secret stash of chocolate - make it last or I'll be seeing you sooner rather than later.
Co-workers - RUN!!!!
It's a routine procedure, by 3pm on Wednesday I hope to have a BigMac in hand and rumor has it Columbo is available on Netflix!!!
I will say inappropriate things to anyone and everyone I see on Wednesday. I don't want to, but I won't be able to stop myself.
Today I headed to Miles Hospital for my pre surgery lab work. Here's the cool part about living in Maine, one of the cool parts, it IS like Cabot Cove. I walk in the Hospital and recognize the woman at the ER desk as a customer. I nod to the elderly volunteer, "GOOD MORNING!!!" I scream to him because I know damn well he can't hear a bloody word I'm saying.
The lab was hopping, so I gave my name, info, made the rudimentary comment, "August already, geez!" and sat in a chair in the hall. Much to my surprise Heir Bergermeister Meisterberger needed lab work done as well. I shit you not, they wheeled him in with his right leg perpendicular to the ground and held up by NOTHING! He was facing away from me kabitzing with the nurse when I heard her say, "Let's turn you around." And there he was staring right at me. My eyes go to a train wreck like a tongue to a mouth sore. He looked at me and said, "Now this is a nice view." Oh hot damn, look away, away, away. "You okay?" That's what I came up with, I'm an idiot. They finally called my name and as luck would have it, the gal drawing my blood was going in for her procedure Wednesday too! I told her, "See ya there!"
Now we come to the somber part of this blog. . . . what I bequeath....
Ashlee, you may have my shoes - they won't fit Lauren and you've been stealing them for YEARS.
Lauren, you may have my tops and any other clothes that work.
Jewelry will be awarded after a game of Jeopardy that include the following topics:
Mom, she always put us first
Mom, we miss her now that she's gone
Mom, she was the funniest person we knew
Mom, loved her wine
Mom, God she was moody
and for double jeopardy... Mom, now what hell do we do about dinner? !
Jesse, you can have The Donald's Harley, I know this seems like the wrong forum, but he'll starve to death exactly seven days after I pass, so - knuckles, it's yours. ps. You and Ashlee are cute together, keepin' it real from the grave!
Dad, there's beer left in the downstairs fridge, enjoy.
The Donald, your garage is immaculate, enjoy. The master bedroom and master bath are also prestine.
Gordon, all of my face cream, hair gel, Blistex, Ralph Lauren Notorious Perfume' and my trashy romance novels. (and pantyliners)
Gabby, my secret stash of chocolate - make it last or I'll be seeing you sooner rather than later.
Co-workers - RUN!!!!
It's a routine procedure, by 3pm on Wednesday I hope to have a BigMac in hand and rumor has it Columbo is available on Netflix!!!
I will say inappropriate things to anyone and everyone I see on Wednesday. I don't want to, but I won't be able to stop myself.
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