Ashleeisms
My eldest daugther, the one who is trying with all her might to kill me and her father, has the ability to take a common phrase or saying and rearrange it so it sounds Amish or mildly retarded. She is neither of these things, well she's not Amish.
I'm making spaghetti, waiting for the water to boil. Ashlee approaches and asks me how it's going. Great, good, how 'bout them Yankees? "You know what they say, if you watch a pot of water, it won't boil very fast." First, I'm not sure who 'they' are, but I'm sure they don't say that. Second, whaaaaat??? Third, get out of the kitchen, now.
"Mom, can you pick up some beef jerky? Tiggi Yatchie please." Huh? And then I stood there for a while with my brow furrowed and I looked upward then said, "Oh teriyaki?" "Yeah! that's it!" OMG.
"If you put a car on the back of an RV, okay and you're towing it down the road, okay front wheels and rear wheels are touching the ground. If you are driving down the highway, because the front wheels are touching the ground, doesn't the mileage go up?" I'm going to put her on it to see.
Ashlee: "The no leg guy."
Me: "What?"
Ashlee: "The guy from driver's ed."
Me: "The man who is paralyzed?"
Ashlee: "Well his legs don't work."
Me: "omg" (said quietly, hence the lower case)
Ashlee has very bad eyesight, very bad. One evening she went into the bathroom came out and said to her cat on the floor, "Come on Tilly, come to bed." To which Lauren said, "That's not Tilly, that's the phone. Go to bed."
A rolling stone gathers no ---- dirt.
Time heals all ------ pressure.
A stitch in time saves ------ a dime.
'Take the road less not traveled on.' (that's Amish shit right there!!)
The cobbler's children wear no ---- pants.
Don't count your chickens before ---- your hens.
She's a doll and I love her and she played along while I wrote this. :D
I'm making spaghetti, waiting for the water to boil. Ashlee approaches and asks me how it's going. Great, good, how 'bout them Yankees? "You know what they say, if you watch a pot of water, it won't boil very fast." First, I'm not sure who 'they' are, but I'm sure they don't say that. Second, whaaaaat??? Third, get out of the kitchen, now.
"Mom, can you pick up some beef jerky? Tiggi Yatchie please." Huh? And then I stood there for a while with my brow furrowed and I looked upward then said, "Oh teriyaki?" "Yeah! that's it!" OMG.
"If you put a car on the back of an RV, okay and you're towing it down the road, okay front wheels and rear wheels are touching the ground. If you are driving down the highway, because the front wheels are touching the ground, doesn't the mileage go up?" I'm going to put her on it to see.
Ashlee: "The no leg guy."
Me: "What?"
Ashlee: "The guy from driver's ed."
Me: "The man who is paralyzed?"
Ashlee: "Well his legs don't work."
Me: "omg" (said quietly, hence the lower case)
Ashlee has very bad eyesight, very bad. One evening she went into the bathroom came out and said to her cat on the floor, "Come on Tilly, come to bed." To which Lauren said, "That's not Tilly, that's the phone. Go to bed."
A rolling stone gathers no ---- dirt.
Time heals all ------ pressure.
A stitch in time saves ------ a dime.
'Take the road less not traveled on.' (that's Amish shit right there!!)
The cobbler's children wear no ---- pants.
Don't count your chickens before ---- your hens.
She's a doll and I love her and she played along while I wrote this. :D
Comments
Post a Comment