FYI IUD TMI

If you've been following along at home you may remember back in August I was scheduled for out patient surgery to have an ovary plucked out that took a turn towards a slightly more invasive filleting.

Dr. Birkenstock, the head of my 'team', and I put our professional medical noggins together, yes I know hers HAS actual medical knowledge, and decided I should have an IUD or Intrauterine Device - not an In Uterus Doo-Hickey as I call it (this is where my lack of medical knowledge peeks through). Thursday was that day.

As I've been known to do, I happily shared information like this with anyone and everyone. I was looking for feedback, shock affect and charming conversation. I described the device, explained it's purpose of hanging out, quite literally and providing a small dose of progesterone to keep Aunt Flo at by and deter endometreosis, and I started a countdown. I was invited to an off site vendor partner meeting for this afternoon and I declined siting a conflict. The vendor sales manager sent me another invitation saying how great it would be for me to attend. I apologized but again 'I cannot attend.' On the third invite, which was accompanied by, "Let's put history in the past." I replied, "I AM NOT AVOIDING, I AM GETTING AN IUD THURSDAY AFTERNOON, GLAD YOU ASKED AGAIN?" Jesus!

Because of it's shape, I decided 'Anchors Away' would be a good theme song and I sang what words I knew and hummed throughout the morning. As usual the day was hijacked by lunacy, meetings and getting pulled in four directions, but promptly at 2:45 I headed out to get this done.

I was pleased to see the scale reading less than my last visit and I'm well aware that not enjoying a bottle of wine per evening makes a difference - no worries though on Saturdays I will go hog wild, quite literally. I proceeded into the exam room where I was provided with a pamphlet of questions to answer, a reminder card that my IUD will self destruct in September of 2016, and a half a sheet for covering up my lowers.

Dr. B came in and we were underway. I don't know about other ladies, but I gab the entire time - shocking right? Maybe it's nerves, but my focus is to take my focus off the task at hand and laugh. Dr. B, bless her heart was keeping me posted on what she was doing, "Allergic to Iodine?" she asked. "If that's going where I think it is I sure as hell hope not." Dr. B then picks up what appeared to be a 12 foot long javelin and announces, "Okay here we go!" Now she had my full attention, "Holy shit! What the hell is that??!" She assured me that it's a tool for anchor insertion and she would trim the strings, but leave them on the long side. "Will I still be able to wear skirts? Or will I get stopped by someone holding scissors saying, 'Hold up! You've got a string hanging!'" I'm not sure how long it took Dr. B. to compose herself after that but all in all it was a simple procedure, somewhat crampy, but apparently for gals my age, let's call that over 28, it's a great help.

I've got some medicine to ward off infections and Dr. B. reminded me that 7% of uterus's reject the anchor in what I imagine to be the method one uses to win a watermelon seed spitting contest. HATHOOOEY! She also reminded me that in some rare cases, sounds familiar huh?, the anchor will decide it is no longer pleased with neighborhood or school district in the uterus, packs it's bags and leave. I nod my head remembering our original in depth conversation of how far IUDs have come and my question about how far they can physically go and whether I could accidentally blow it out of my nose and into a Kleenex.

Anchors away my dear..... !!