Dad's Visit

Dad arrived for his first visit to Maine since Mom passed in February. He told me the day before, "If you're not at the airport when my flight gets in, I'll just wait." First, of course I'd be there on time and second, what the hell else would he do??

His flight arrived and as I guessed, he was wearing dockers, a dress shirt and a sports jacket - or blazer. Dad travels old school. He gave me a big hug and said, "Which way is out, I haven't had a cigarette since Pennsylvania." Dad is 70 and started smoking when he was in the first grade or something equally absurd and is not quitting now, especially without Mom harping on him.

We made the trip to our house in a little over an hour and upon entering Dad announced, "I need a beer." I think he started drinking beer in second grade, one thing at a time. I handed him a beer and whipped up some hot dogs and baked beans for us. We ate our lunch and chatted a bit until we hit the topic of making and selling cookies. One thing led to another and by the time The Donald came home we had spread out the laptop, the calculator on my phone, the scale, the flour, measuring cups and I was holding a 1/2 gallon of milk and determining how much it costs to make a cookie. We said, "Hello, we'll be with you in a minute - very busy...." The Donald just shook his head and said, "Oh god."

Dad updated us on his health, "Remember that lump on my hand? I got rid of it. Know how? Salt. Every night I would rub salt on it. See? Gone! Salt, cures everything. I don't take pills anymore, don't need 'em." He then held his finger up and said, "Speaking of salt, where is yours? I had a corn muffin at the airport and it irritated my mouth." He mixed up some salt water and gargled away. "All better. See? Salt."

The next morning Dad finished his breakfast, eggs, bacon, potatoes, toast, V8 and asked for our Dremmel. "I need to adjust my plate." Okey dokey. When he finished grinding down his dentures he said proudly, "Who the hell needs a dentist, right?!"

The Donald and Dad spent Friday repairing the front porch kickboards, replacing the deck apron as two nice gentlemen dropped off firewood and swept the chimney. Projects were crossed off the list and it was productive with a capital P. Dad is handy like no one I know, it is awesome.

Saturday provided crappy weather so we went over to the John Deere dealer and Dad treated us to a utility wagon for our riding mower and was scratching his head as to how we've managed without one for so long. That evening we made steamers and steamed lobster - wouldn't be a visit to Maine without it and then it was off to Lauren's soccer game so Dad could watch his granddaughter play. When we got home we stayed up until 1:30am talking, arguing, laughing, yelling, it was terrific fun.

Sunday was a bit more deck work and then moving firewood. I managed to brush some critter, perhaps a caterpillar, and developed an ungodly rash. Dad had me put salt on it. I saw Dr. McHottie today and he prescribed topical cream. Back to Sunday; around 8:00pm The Donald and Lauren headed to the store and Dad and I were enjoying some football when he pointed in the air and said, "There's a bat." Oh Jesus H! Dad jumped up in search of a broom and I ducked under a blanket. I had no idea how scary a bat flying through the house is. Dad managed to trap it and toss it out. If I close my eyes I can still see it flying towards me.

Dad left this morning and we all agreed, it was a wonderful visit. I facebooked his quotes throughout his visit, but for those of you who missed them, here they are:

1. We're getting 4 vents, for the basement, we're getting a board, 8" x 4' to fix the front porch board, silicon caulk clear for where the guy punched a hole in the house for your tv. What else? You got Spackle? You don't need Spackle. Now what else you got?
2.  ‎6:30 AM  "You gotta plumber?" 
3.  Know what burns my ass? A flame about this high.
4.  The Egyptians built the pyramids with beer.
5.  These sneakers are killing my feet. Nothing is made in this country anymore, yup China, no wonder the Vietcong won. (???)
6.  The law of physics does not allow one person to be in two places at one time.
7.  We can have gays in the military, but I can't find 29" inseam pants.
8.  Dad: you don't live forever, but ever is the thought, make the best of it everyday and if not, every time because you're only passing through and when you smile it will become true, when you frown nobody likes you, when you smile people wonder why, but if you're liked you'll have many friends, like you. - Cheers, drink and be merry because today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow and when we meet I'll toast you either with sorrow or with happiness love, BFW. (I love you) <---- he needs a microphone....
9.  I need to trim my nose hairs, they're starting to wrap around my lip.
10.  On the plane here I sat next to a young gal - I told the airline, put me next to someone I can have a nice conversation with, not some fat beast.
11. It's nice to accomplish a job, you can step back and admire it, as long as you're not roofing.
12.  You do what you have to do and you do the right thing.
13.  He had manners like a septic tank, they stunk.
14.  I'm in the recycling business, I bring 'em in cold and send 'em out empty.
15.  Dad: Lauren come here. Lauren: Yeah Pop? Dad: How far would you be if I hadn't called you?
16. Thanks for the book, I can sit and read in the airport and not sit there looking like a dork.