Downtown Part II
As I said I spent eight years in Dallas. A lot happened and it comes from the recesses of my mind in squirts, like when a clogged ketchup bottle finally gives way.
My very good friend and co-worker Kevin was a smoker and hid it well. I would call him and the second he picked up his phone I would say as fast as I could, "Kevin-I'm-going-down-for-a-smoke." and hang up. He'd either be at the elevator or I'd have to hunt him down, make up a lame IT Accounting crisis and steal him away from whoever he was with - I excelled at this. "Kevin, my God, the batch jobs for the exchange volumes between us and Citgo are shit, we're all screwed!!! Either come with me and straighten this out or we're ALL looking for new jobs!! Jesus Christ KEVIN!!" He would calmly excuse himself and yell at me under his breath the whole way to the elevator. We'd get on the elevator, look at everyone else and then I'd make faces at him in the shiny reflective stainless of the elevator doors. I'd get yelled at for that through the lobby. We'd get outside, and have our usual discussion about everyone and everything.
One morning while we were discussion who on earth would wear Sears Suckers besides Matlock when I noticed a homeless man digging cigarette butts out of the sand in the ashtray - nasty huh? Ken, another friend was also with us and telling the story of his kitchen fire and how the fire department destroyed his Hummel collection with their manly hoses - he should have been so lucky. As we're talking, the homeless man is asking for a light or money or something and Kevin turns around and says, "Excuse me sir, I think you have a lit cigarette butt in your jacket pocket." The man looks at him like, 'How dare you!' Kevin becomes more upset and is trying to rope Ken and I into the discussion, but Ken is doing an impression of the Fire Chief dragging his microwave oven out of the kitchen by it's chord. Hilarious!!! Kevin grabs a security guard to help and the homeless man starts to panic. Apparently the paper sack in his pocket was full of whiskey and he didn't want to be caught. I realized at that moment that I didn't want to die in a fiery homeless man's self combusting explosion. The guard carted him away, it was for his own good. Ken finished the break by telling me he caught his Birkenstock on a stone and fell face first into his fishpond - I nearly peed myself.
Anna and I, you remember Anna, would occasionally eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken. This was on 'street level' as Don would say, "I can't believe the two of you come up to street level. You're going to get your asses kicked." Oh well. We would sit and count red shoes and limps. We were behind a wall of glass - it was perfect! During one visit to KFC, we called it KY Fry, we still do, we ordered our food, gathered our trays and sat down. While doing color commentary on the passersby we heard a gentleman in the restaurant raise his voice, "Did you touch my food?!" "Did you?!" Apparently the homeless man sat down at an unattended tray and was about to help himself to the food but didn't. The man threw away the tray. Thankfully Anna and I kept our damn mouths shut, it was a first for us.
Oh the McDonald's trip. Mark was another co-worker, tall, confident, easy on the eyes, manager, smart ass, and a riot. We would go to the Hallmark store and laugh hysterically at the cards. "Look at this one!" "Read this!" "Read this one!" People would just laugh at us. He would join me for coffee in the morning and the two of us would talk to anyone who looked at us. What fun! Another co-worker and I wanted McDonald's one day. The problem was the McDonald's was located in a rough area. It was at the corner of the bus stop and the bus stop. When I want McDonald's I will go through hell to get it. I was prepared, however, I wanted a little backup. I called Mark, "Hey Kim and I are going to McDonald's, you want anything?" Silence, "What?" I repeated, "I said, Kim and I are going to McDonald's, do you want anything?" A loud sigh and then through gritted teeth, "What McDonald's?" I stayed upbeat, "Right down at the bus stop." Finally, "I'll be right there dammit." We made it to the McDonald's and I lost my fear when I gazed at the menu. Mark walked up to the counter and said, "I'd like a sprite....." The gal behind the counter said, "We don't got Sprite." Mark asked, "You know what's wrong with you people?" I remember seeing my childhood, my dead grandfather and remembering where I lost my black pearl earring. Then the humming started in my head and I felt my knees buckle. I kept thinking, "Dammit, I should have ordered first, if I'm going to die I want Big Mac sauce on my lips." The girl behind the counter just laughed. How did he do that? Charmed for sure.
My very good friend and co-worker Kevin was a smoker and hid it well. I would call him and the second he picked up his phone I would say as fast as I could, "Kevin-I'm-going-down-for-a-smoke." and hang up. He'd either be at the elevator or I'd have to hunt him down, make up a lame IT Accounting crisis and steal him away from whoever he was with - I excelled at this. "Kevin, my God, the batch jobs for the exchange volumes between us and Citgo are shit, we're all screwed!!! Either come with me and straighten this out or we're ALL looking for new jobs!! Jesus Christ KEVIN!!" He would calmly excuse himself and yell at me under his breath the whole way to the elevator. We'd get on the elevator, look at everyone else and then I'd make faces at him in the shiny reflective stainless of the elevator doors. I'd get yelled at for that through the lobby. We'd get outside, and have our usual discussion about everyone and everything.
One morning while we were discussion who on earth would wear Sears Suckers besides Matlock when I noticed a homeless man digging cigarette butts out of the sand in the ashtray - nasty huh? Ken, another friend was also with us and telling the story of his kitchen fire and how the fire department destroyed his Hummel collection with their manly hoses - he should have been so lucky. As we're talking, the homeless man is asking for a light or money or something and Kevin turns around and says, "Excuse me sir, I think you have a lit cigarette butt in your jacket pocket." The man looks at him like, 'How dare you!' Kevin becomes more upset and is trying to rope Ken and I into the discussion, but Ken is doing an impression of the Fire Chief dragging his microwave oven out of the kitchen by it's chord. Hilarious!!! Kevin grabs a security guard to help and the homeless man starts to panic. Apparently the paper sack in his pocket was full of whiskey and he didn't want to be caught. I realized at that moment that I didn't want to die in a fiery homeless man's self combusting explosion. The guard carted him away, it was for his own good. Ken finished the break by telling me he caught his Birkenstock on a stone and fell face first into his fishpond - I nearly peed myself.
Anna and I, you remember Anna, would occasionally eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken. This was on 'street level' as Don would say, "I can't believe the two of you come up to street level. You're going to get your asses kicked." Oh well. We would sit and count red shoes and limps. We were behind a wall of glass - it was perfect! During one visit to KFC, we called it KY Fry, we still do, we ordered our food, gathered our trays and sat down. While doing color commentary on the passersby we heard a gentleman in the restaurant raise his voice, "Did you touch my food?!" "Did you?!" Apparently the homeless man sat down at an unattended tray and was about to help himself to the food but didn't. The man threw away the tray. Thankfully Anna and I kept our damn mouths shut, it was a first for us.
Oh the McDonald's trip. Mark was another co-worker, tall, confident, easy on the eyes, manager, smart ass, and a riot. We would go to the Hallmark store and laugh hysterically at the cards. "Look at this one!" "Read this!" "Read this one!" People would just laugh at us. He would join me for coffee in the morning and the two of us would talk to anyone who looked at us. What fun! Another co-worker and I wanted McDonald's one day. The problem was the McDonald's was located in a rough area. It was at the corner of the bus stop and the bus stop. When I want McDonald's I will go through hell to get it. I was prepared, however, I wanted a little backup. I called Mark, "Hey Kim and I are going to McDonald's, you want anything?" Silence, "What?" I repeated, "I said, Kim and I are going to McDonald's, do you want anything?" A loud sigh and then through gritted teeth, "What McDonald's?" I stayed upbeat, "Right down at the bus stop." Finally, "I'll be right there dammit." We made it to the McDonald's and I lost my fear when I gazed at the menu. Mark walked up to the counter and said, "I'd like a sprite....." The gal behind the counter said, "We don't got Sprite." Mark asked, "You know what's wrong with you people?" I remember seeing my childhood, my dead grandfather and remembering where I lost my black pearl earring. Then the humming started in my head and I felt my knees buckle. I kept thinking, "Dammit, I should have ordered first, if I'm going to die I want Big Mac sauce on my lips." The girl behind the counter just laughed. How did he do that? Charmed for sure.
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