Pre-Op
Back to see Dr. Birkenstock today for a pre-op appointment. I've done some research, but I'm not really the best person to do this, I get distracted by the ingrown toenail pictures, the open wounds and the benefits of sex pictures - yowza! I concluded that I could lose an ovary and still lead a healthy life, maybe with a limp, perhaps a stutter but otherwise healthy.
Dr. B was much different during this visit, perhaps she was mad at her ovaries that other day? She explained that I was 41, probably wasn't interested in having more children - god no! - and would still have a spare, albeit I could only go 50 mph for 30 miles on Lefty.
I was a quick decider, "Yank er out!" She seemed to think I was thinking correctly and went off to find out what day was open for surgery. She got right into the risks, nicking my bladder, which, pun intended would totally piss me off, bowel nicking would be shitty as well - okay I'm done with that. I finally stopped her and said, "Whoa there, can you tell me how all this is going to go down?? What are you planning to do?"
Thankfully she wasn't annoyed, but rather excited about my curiosity. "We make a small smiley face incision under the belly button..." okay, I'm okay with that, sounds cute even... "Then we put a hole here, (indicating on side of the B Button) then one here (other side of the B Button) and one here just above the pelvic bone." Ew, but okay and I better not leak from all my new holes afterwards.
She went on to explain more but first pointed at the laminated poster of the girly parts on the wall. "We cut and cauterize here, cut and cauterize here. This is larger than normal size." I sighed and said, "Oh thank God, I couldn't figure out where all of that was housed!" She continued, "We'll do a D&C as well. Clean out in here." I looked at her, "How are you going to get into there?" as I pointed to the uterus to which she replied, "You already have a hole for that." Ahhh, why yes I do, thank you for noticing, I am an idiot, please continue.
We continued on with the paperwork and she said, "Sign here." and I said, "One last question, you've done this at least once before, right?" She laughed, now we were getting somewhere! "I've been here 16 years." To which I said, "Okay then, a couple times, nifty."
August 3rd, I go in to have Cletus, Cecil and Clive Cysts along with Ophelia Ovary removed, good ridden. I'll be out of work for a few days, being waited on, hand and foot I'm sure. Probably not to that extent really, well to any extent really. And of course I'll given all the gory details. Stay tuned!
Dr. B was much different during this visit, perhaps she was mad at her ovaries that other day? She explained that I was 41, probably wasn't interested in having more children - god no! - and would still have a spare, albeit I could only go 50 mph for 30 miles on Lefty.
I was a quick decider, "Yank er out!" She seemed to think I was thinking correctly and went off to find out what day was open for surgery. She got right into the risks, nicking my bladder, which, pun intended would totally piss me off, bowel nicking would be shitty as well - okay I'm done with that. I finally stopped her and said, "Whoa there, can you tell me how all this is going to go down?? What are you planning to do?"
Thankfully she wasn't annoyed, but rather excited about my curiosity. "We make a small smiley face incision under the belly button..." okay, I'm okay with that, sounds cute even... "Then we put a hole here, (indicating on side of the B Button) then one here (other side of the B Button) and one here just above the pelvic bone." Ew, but okay and I better not leak from all my new holes afterwards.
She went on to explain more but first pointed at the laminated poster of the girly parts on the wall. "We cut and cauterize here, cut and cauterize here. This is larger than normal size." I sighed and said, "Oh thank God, I couldn't figure out where all of that was housed!" She continued, "We'll do a D&C as well. Clean out in here." I looked at her, "How are you going to get into there?" as I pointed to the uterus to which she replied, "You already have a hole for that." Ahhh, why yes I do, thank you for noticing, I am an idiot, please continue.
We continued on with the paperwork and she said, "Sign here." and I said, "One last question, you've done this at least once before, right?" She laughed, now we were getting somewhere! "I've been here 16 years." To which I said, "Okay then, a couple times, nifty."
August 3rd, I go in to have Cletus, Cecil and Clive Cysts along with Ophelia Ovary removed, good ridden. I'll be out of work for a few days, being waited on, hand and foot I'm sure. Probably not to that extent really, well to any extent really. And of course I'll given all the gory details. Stay tuned!
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