Some Assembly Required
Every Christmas there's a gift for the girls from Santa that is known as the 'big gift', it can be anything to a Villa in France to a Porsche, it's always a surprise! Oh seriously, we're talking ping pong table, basketball hoop, Wii, Bikes, pretty dope for us non-Kardashians.
The Donald is a September baby, like Mom was. I am a March, like my father. September people read instructions, March people say, "Oh I know how this goes!" September people lay out all the pieces, March people have a handfull of pieces left over. September people create beautiful things, March people just get shit done. September people are never more annoyed than when they are dealing with March people helping them. September people stop to think things through, March people are pulling rip cords to start machinery while the September folks are thinking. September folks are very organized. March folks make lists to cross things off, March people will add things to the list they did, in addition to the list, just to cross it off the list. (March people are crazy, September people are crazy just ask either party).
December 24th 1994, as Christmas eve settled in, The Donald (September Booo!) and I (March YEAH!!!) start assembling a desk. Armed with liquors, we begin, there was laughing, swearing, parts thrown, I got up and danced a bit (The Baileys was working wonders!) and yet in the end a beautiful roll top kiddy desk and she never woke up.
December 24th 2003, a ping pong table. Thursten and Lovey were over to spend the night. We were all enjoying Christmas eve in baccahlarous fashion, when we realize we had to get a ping pong table down the basement stairs - complete with a wicked dog leg that trips you up with a laundry basket. How that was accomplished is still a mystery. I am saddened only by the fact we didn't notify Ripley's ahead of time.
The last big gift to assemble was the basket ball hoop. Obviously Christmas Eve in Maine doesn't allow for basketball assembly in real time, so we waited for black fly season. This is the time between Mother's Day and Father's Day where small bugs rip your flesh and lap up your blood - nice huh? But the summer is wonderful and we have delicious lobster!! C'mon!
We were asked to help. Usually this involves us gathering and then standing around watching The Donald lay out parts, read the directions and make stereotypical remarks about Chinese manufacturing plants and their scheme to destroy America, one assembly at a time. Things were going along swimmingly, a part appeared to be missing here and there. An "I knew it!!!" was announced and then a, "Nevermind it's here." We were standing in the driveway at step 47q. holding the stand when the realization that somewhere back in step 7f., something was misinterpretted. We had to go all the way back. Oh heavenly father, oh dear god, everyone hold on tight!!
At this time The Donald launched a metal rod skyward - I've seen him do this with a golf club, it's impressive. He yelled, "Fuck!" and stormed into the house. The girls and I stood around the existing basketball hoop structure like the Amish raising a barn, our arms literally holding up the structure, made in China. Lauren of course broke the silence, "How long do you think he'll be?" Keep in mind the flesh tearing/blood lapping black flies where swarming. "Oh he'll be back soon." The March voice of optimism. The Donald cooled off, returned and we retraced our steps, albeit, a little bloodier.
The basketball hoop gets used - by Lauren and sometimes The Donald. At 5'3" basketball it's not my forte. Ping pong is a fun family activity that we all enjoy. The Wii? I love the dance stuff - go figure, but the girls are 'trying out' netflix via wii and we'll never see that box again. As for the roll top desk, we sold that years ago, but everytime I sip Baileys, I think of it.
The Donald has a special gift arriving tomorrow. . . ;-)
The Donald is a September baby, like Mom was. I am a March, like my father. September people read instructions, March people say, "Oh I know how this goes!" September people lay out all the pieces, March people have a handfull of pieces left over. September people create beautiful things, March people just get shit done. September people are never more annoyed than when they are dealing with March people helping them. September people stop to think things through, March people are pulling rip cords to start machinery while the September folks are thinking. September folks are very organized. March folks make lists to cross things off, March people will add things to the list they did, in addition to the list, just to cross it off the list. (March people are crazy, September people are crazy just ask either party).
December 24th 1994, as Christmas eve settled in, The Donald (September Booo!) and I (March YEAH!!!) start assembling a desk. Armed with liquors, we begin, there was laughing, swearing, parts thrown, I got up and danced a bit (The Baileys was working wonders!) and yet in the end a beautiful roll top kiddy desk and she never woke up.
December 24th 2003, a ping pong table. Thursten and Lovey were over to spend the night. We were all enjoying Christmas eve in baccahlarous fashion, when we realize we had to get a ping pong table down the basement stairs - complete with a wicked dog leg that trips you up with a laundry basket. How that was accomplished is still a mystery. I am saddened only by the fact we didn't notify Ripley's ahead of time.
The last big gift to assemble was the basket ball hoop. Obviously Christmas Eve in Maine doesn't allow for basketball assembly in real time, so we waited for black fly season. This is the time between Mother's Day and Father's Day where small bugs rip your flesh and lap up your blood - nice huh? But the summer is wonderful and we have delicious lobster!! C'mon!
We were asked to help. Usually this involves us gathering and then standing around watching The Donald lay out parts, read the directions and make stereotypical remarks about Chinese manufacturing plants and their scheme to destroy America, one assembly at a time. Things were going along swimmingly, a part appeared to be missing here and there. An "I knew it!!!" was announced and then a, "Nevermind it's here." We were standing in the driveway at step 47q. holding the stand when the realization that somewhere back in step 7f., something was misinterpretted. We had to go all the way back. Oh heavenly father, oh dear god, everyone hold on tight!!
At this time The Donald launched a metal rod skyward - I've seen him do this with a golf club, it's impressive. He yelled, "Fuck!" and stormed into the house. The girls and I stood around the existing basketball hoop structure like the Amish raising a barn, our arms literally holding up the structure, made in China. Lauren of course broke the silence, "How long do you think he'll be?" Keep in mind the flesh tearing/blood lapping black flies where swarming. "Oh he'll be back soon." The March voice of optimism. The Donald cooled off, returned and we retraced our steps, albeit, a little bloodier.
The basketball hoop gets used - by Lauren and sometimes The Donald. At 5'3" basketball it's not my forte. Ping pong is a fun family activity that we all enjoy. The Wii? I love the dance stuff - go figure, but the girls are 'trying out' netflix via wii and we'll never see that box again. As for the roll top desk, we sold that years ago, but everytime I sip Baileys, I think of it.
The Donald has a special gift arriving tomorrow. . . ;-)
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