Water Skiing - Why We Don't
The Lake House has a boat, a small ski boat and I have water skiied. When we were first married I was taught by my husband and father-in-law, seemed like a bad idea at the time, I was right. I jumped in the water and from the time my head came up I was being yelled orders, "Keep your elbows bent!" "Stay crouched!" "Let the boat pull you out of the water!" and the whole time I'm thinking, Jason, from Friday the 13th is going to grab my leg and pull me under to sleep with the fishes and these nitwits were worried about form! I grabbed the tow thingy, lined up my skis and yelled, "Hit it!!!" The boat lurched forward, I took a face plant and held on as tight as I could. When I realized this wasn't the solution, I let go. As the boat pulled around I could hear them yelling, "You didn't keep your elbows bent!" "You didn't stay crouched!!" "What a loser!!" I may have misheard the last one, but the theme was the same. The second go round I was up, no way on God's green earth would I listen to that again. Massingil has nothing on water skiing and I have no urge to do so again. The other problem I had was with nailing the landing. I can't do that graceful slide and sink into the water. I do the 'frantic cartwheel' and the last time I did it I had a nice goose egg to brag about.
Don can water ski, but I don't drive the boat and it seems like a lot of prep.
Lauren tubes - which is fine by her. She prefers not to be whipped around at Mach 3 and therefore only Bradley can drive the boat with Lauren tubing.
Ashlee, oh Ashlee. She can water ski. The last time I saw her ski the story had two prongs. We have a Newfoundland named Gabrielle who is very protective of us and as is characteristic of her breed, she's a rescue dog. The difference with Gabby is, if you're not drowning she tries to pull you under to then save you, she likes to have something to do. When we are in the water with her, everyone's focus is keeping away from Gabby. This involves screaming, flailing in the water and sometimes crying. This results in everyone covered in enormous welts. Thank God she's adorable or we'd have already made a rug of her.
So Don, Lauren, Ashlee and Gabby go out in the boat. During the summer season, the neighbors sit on their porches and watch the world go by on the lake. These four piling into the boat was an afternoon matinee. There were directions, orders, yelling, correcting, all at an increased volume. Everyone made it into the boat and they started backing away from the dock. I should have turned tail and headed back to the house at that point. The made their way to the cove, preparing for Ashlee to ski.
The neat trick of nature when you're on the water is that sound travels very clearly. From the boat to shore I could hear Don, "GET OUT OF THE BOAT!" then Ashlee, "But Gabby is upset!!" Don: "Just jump!!" Again, I should have just left. Ashlee goes to the edge of the boat, jumps in and is immediately followed by Gabby, no life jacket, no nothing oh f*##@. They are out pretty far in the lake and now the girls are screaming that Gabby is going to drown and Don is saying, "She's fine! She's a Newfoundland." I'm on the fence with this. Ashlee and Gabby are in the water and now Lauren jumps in to join the 'gals!' Don yells an expletive and I can't even move my head to look at the neighbors. Now the race is on, will Gabby make the swim? If she goes under, I know the girls are following her, then Don, then me and the neighbors will be watching our own mass suicide. Gabby, bless her buoyant heart, huffs and puffs and breast strokes her way to the shore. She comes out of the water, shakes off, never looks back to check on the girls and starts right up the hill for the house. I heard her say, "Screw them, I'm done with that f**#ing boat." These were the same words I said when I water skied!! So proud!
Don brings the boat around because SOMEONE is going to water ski DAMMIT! The girls jump in again and off they go. Again, they make it out to the middle of the cove and now Ashlee jumps in and lines up. The boat starts up and she's up. She pops right out of the friggin water, so easy. She's up for maybe 2 minutes and then she starts yelling, "Enough!" I hear her, Lauren hears her, but Don says, "No, keep skiing!!" She keeps yelling, "Dad stop!!" and Don continues, "Keep skiing!!!!!" Finally she trumps him. "I'VE GOT MY PERIOD!!!" At this point I turned around and headed for the house.
Don can water ski, but I don't drive the boat and it seems like a lot of prep.
Lauren tubes - which is fine by her. She prefers not to be whipped around at Mach 3 and therefore only Bradley can drive the boat with Lauren tubing.
Ashlee, oh Ashlee. She can water ski. The last time I saw her ski the story had two prongs. We have a Newfoundland named Gabrielle who is very protective of us and as is characteristic of her breed, she's a rescue dog. The difference with Gabby is, if you're not drowning she tries to pull you under to then save you, she likes to have something to do. When we are in the water with her, everyone's focus is keeping away from Gabby. This involves screaming, flailing in the water and sometimes crying. This results in everyone covered in enormous welts. Thank God she's adorable or we'd have already made a rug of her.
So Don, Lauren, Ashlee and Gabby go out in the boat. During the summer season, the neighbors sit on their porches and watch the world go by on the lake. These four piling into the boat was an afternoon matinee. There were directions, orders, yelling, correcting, all at an increased volume. Everyone made it into the boat and they started backing away from the dock. I should have turned tail and headed back to the house at that point. The made their way to the cove, preparing for Ashlee to ski.
The neat trick of nature when you're on the water is that sound travels very clearly. From the boat to shore I could hear Don, "GET OUT OF THE BOAT!" then Ashlee, "But Gabby is upset!!" Don: "Just jump!!" Again, I should have just left. Ashlee goes to the edge of the boat, jumps in and is immediately followed by Gabby, no life jacket, no nothing oh f*##@. They are out pretty far in the lake and now the girls are screaming that Gabby is going to drown and Don is saying, "She's fine! She's a Newfoundland." I'm on the fence with this. Ashlee and Gabby are in the water and now Lauren jumps in to join the 'gals!' Don yells an expletive and I can't even move my head to look at the neighbors. Now the race is on, will Gabby make the swim? If she goes under, I know the girls are following her, then Don, then me and the neighbors will be watching our own mass suicide. Gabby, bless her buoyant heart, huffs and puffs and breast strokes her way to the shore. She comes out of the water, shakes off, never looks back to check on the girls and starts right up the hill for the house. I heard her say, "Screw them, I'm done with that f**#ing boat." These were the same words I said when I water skied!! So proud!
Don brings the boat around because SOMEONE is going to water ski DAMMIT! The girls jump in again and off they go. Again, they make it out to the middle of the cove and now Ashlee jumps in and lines up. The boat starts up and she's up. She pops right out of the friggin water, so easy. She's up for maybe 2 minutes and then she starts yelling, "Enough!" I hear her, Lauren hears her, but Don says, "No, keep skiing!!" She keeps yelling, "Dad stop!!" and Don continues, "Keep skiing!!!!!" Finally she trumps him. "I'VE GOT MY PERIOD!!!" At this point I turned around and headed for the house.
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