Let me tell you about my Schatzki Ring

Anyone who knows me knows I love to eat. I love food. I love to make it, eat it, talk about it, think 3 meals ahead. Food is so good. The other common knowledge is I swing from one exercise to another, then none, the something completely different. I was swimming and then the stairmaster caught my eye. It's brutal, low impact and is keeping me occupied for now.

Today after work I hit the Y and did 110 floors - The World Trade Center. I saw a video of firefighters in full turnout gear on a stairmaster/climber doing 110 floors on 9/11. Holy shit. I couldn't walk to my car in the parking lot with turnout gear on. Those gentleman are beyond hero status. I do my routine in 30 minutes. Each time I think maybe I'll see Jesus at the end and he will give me some of that water turned into wine and let me rest and I'd let him. But I survive and leave happy that I've done something.

Today is Friday and I was making pizza after work. Store bought dough and homemade assembly. Instead of having 1 slice and then being hungry for the night - let me just stop here. Can you IMAGINE how I would be on a survivalist show? I can't make it 4 hours without some substance - days? Oh hell no. I decide to swing by the Acme to get some mushrooms. I'll throw some on my portion of the pizza and roast the extras with green beans to fill me up. I'm working smarter! I walk into Acme and I can feel the confusion in my brain. 'What am I here for? Right Mushrooms, maybe a sweet potato, no just mushrooms. Oh look cauliflower is 2 for $5. Mushrooms.' I grab the mushrooms and then I smell the chicken. Acme makes amazing fried chicken but they also make grilled chicken. I see it and need it. I ask the nice man behind the counter for a thigh and a drumstick. I tell him how hungry I am. He knows I'm nuts. I leave the deli and get some Lean Cuisines for next week and then I hit the ice cream aisle (I know, believe me I know) and I get a pint for the Mr. and 1/2 pint of Friendly's chocolate ice cream crunch, which I HIGHLY recommend by the way. I leave Acme and swing in the liquor store. $7.99 for a bottle of Camere? I think, Oh they have Cab, Malbec and Merlot - 4 bottles later...... now home. I get home and I know I need to 1. feed Tootie, 2. Do laundry 3. Make pizza 4. Make roasted vegetables 5. Take a shower then I can sit and rest. Does it matter if I do all of these things without taking a break - nope, can I not do them first? Nope .... I am ready for all of this but decide first I'm going to have that drumstick. I reach in the bag and open the aluminum foil packet. I ate that drumstick in two bites. I don't really know if I chewed. I was so hungry and it was delicious and .............................stuck.

I am not a doctor but for years now if I ate rice or hard boiled eggs too fast this would happen. I think it's a Schatzki Ring. This is a hard ring that forms in the esophagus and causing a narrowing.... I jam so much poorly chewed food down my esophagus that it log jams. This happens once a year. Once time it happened on a long car ride with me wolfing down a ham and cheese sandwich and a Yoohoo - I'm not proud of any of this, but it is a delicious combo!

Tonight alone I spent 15 minutes praying it would break lose or trying to induce vomiting. Not a fun feeling. At the same time I salivated like Cujo - frothing at the mouth. It is a wonder that I haven't actually choked during this nonsense. Just when I think there will never be a resolution it slides down. Normally I just head back to the food and start eating again but 'washing' it down. This time I was a little more rattled.

I'm really going to try to chew and take my time but I know my blood sugar will argue like crazy.

And I still have a thigh in the fridge. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

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